Cracking an egg, or a dozen.

Posted on Sat Jun 14th, 2025 @ 2:33pm by Desmond Greene & Connor Bruin & Sarah Mitchell & Rahne Sinclair

2,836 words; about a 14 minute read

Mission: Episode 6: X-Fernus Agenda
Location: X-Mansion Kitchen
Timeline: WB probably knows best?

Intu OOC: I promised an Egg Nog JP two weeks ago. Some things happened. If y'all are still down, join me for culinary mayhem!

A deep, rumbling expletive came from the kitchen. It hadn't been the first. As a matter of fact, it was the seventh time Desmond had uttered his dissatisfaction. The X-Mansion kitchen was well appointed. Double oven, massive fridge, large double sinks. It was industrial sized, suitable for feeding a large household of teenagers. At this moment a large tree-like man stood over the kitchen island, egg dripping from his prodigious digits. All over the island were bits of egg shell. Desmond's mutation had granted him incredible strength and fantastical durability. It had also stolen much of his fine motor skills. Skills, such as cracking an egg in a way he could separate yolk from white.

Footsteps approached. Desmond didn't notice. He was still audibly rumbling to himself as he picked up the thirteenth egg from the carton. With upmost concentration he tapped the egg against the counter. Once. Twice. Its shell formed a crack. Now with both hands he gently tried to open it. And with a slip of the finger, Desmond launched the cracked egg straight at his own head, splattering the good against the bridge of nose.

"THE EGG YOLKS SHOULD GO INSIDE THE BOWL." The digitized words came from Connor's speech-generating device. He had walked into the kitchen with a grin on his face. "I WONDER IF TREEBARK IS RESISTENT TO SALMONELLA. I SUSPECT IT IS."

Walking into the kitchen, Sarah froze when she saw the mess being made. Standing over the kitchen island was what could only be described as a walking tree trying to crack some eggs and making quite the mess of it. She'd only came down here for a quick bite, She hadn't expected to see this. Clearing her throat, Sarah stepped into the kitchen, "would you like a hand?" she asked, her voice just above a whisper.

Connor heaved a visible sigh of relief. "YES, PLEASE." His hand signs were translated by the speech-generating device which hung around his neck. "FOOD INGREDIENTS DO NOT FEAR ME, AS THEY REFUSE TO COOPERATE ANY BETTER THAN DESMOND."

He stepped to the side of the counter, giving Sarah room beside Desmond while gesturing broadly at the chaotic countertop. Eggshells everywhere. Batter where there shouldn't be batter. A measuring cup somehow glued to the side of a mixing bowl.

"BLISS ALWAYS SAID I HAVE 'GARBAGE HANDS'." Connor gave a silent snort of amusement before continuing. "SHE MADE ME CUPCAKES ONCE. I TRIED TO REPAY HER BY MAKING PANCAKES. WE HAD TO REPLACE THE MOP HEAD."

Connor nodded toward Desmond, who still had yolk clinging to his face bark like a badge of honor. "YOU MAY WISH TO SAVE HIM NEXT. I SUSPECT HE IS LOSING THE WAR."

"I just..." Desmond gestured widely at the kitchen warzone. "I tried making eggnog. My mom taught me years ago, and I used to be able to just make it." He looked at his hands in frustration. Bits of egg were stuck to his hand. "I wanted to make some for the other kids. I think Rahne would've gotten a kick out of it. But every time I try and crack and egg, it just goes every." Desmond pointed at the ceiling. A beautiful orangy yolk stain stood proudly against the egg-shell white ceiling. "I'm still not entirely sure how I managed to that." He looked at Connor, and his equally ridiculously sized hands. Then he turned to Sarah, "Can you help?"

Giving a sigh, Sarah looked between the two of them, “why don’t you two go clean up a little so I can clean this mess up and we’ll start from the top?” She said as she walked over to the sink and started to wash her hands. She wasn’t 100% sure how to make eggnog from scratch, but she was sure with help from the others, they could get it done.

"WHY ME?" Connor looked himself up and down before signing and then giving a shrug. "I AM NOT THE ONE COVERED IN EGGS."

Looking back over at Connor, Sarah realised she misspoke and quickly turned to apologise. She paused for a moment out of surprise upon seeing Connor signing. So, she chose to respond the same way, ”I’m sorry, I thought you had gotten dirty too, my bad” she signed back to him before giving him a smile.

Blinking his eyes, Connor processed for a second before he broke into a grin. "YOU KNOW SIGN LANGUAGE?" his device asked as it kept up with his hands. "HOW REFRESHING. NOW THERE IS SOMEBODY WHO DOES NOT NEED THIS." He tapped the device hanging around his neck. "I WISH MORE PEOPLE WOULD LEARN."

Sarah nodded, ”yea, I can understand wanting to be free of things like that. I taught myself sign language in case I couldn’t speak again because on my gift.” She explained before looking over at the mess and giving a sigh. Turning back to Connor, Sarah smiled, ”well, let’s get this cleaned up. Eggnog and pancakes aren't going to make themselves” she said, adding the extra item to use up more of the ingredients.

Meanwhile, Desmond had a look of confusion on his face. He had wiped the bits off egg of his face, and even wiped down his apron. "So... what's going on?" He asked, feeling awkward for a whole other reason than he did moments ago. "And do we need to get new milk, or can we use the milk-stuff I had prepared?" He gestured to the stove, where a cold pan was ready to be warmed up.

"oh um, I suppose we could use some of what you've got already prepared. why don't we give this another shot?" Sarah suggested, moving over to stand beside Desmond, "though, I think I'll handle the egg cracking this time."

"GOOD IDEA," Connor's device said as he signed and gave an affirmative nod. "I VOLUNTEER AS FOOD TASTER. IT IS A NOBLE CALLING WITH A LONG AND GLORIOUS TRADITION IN EVERY KING'S COURT."

Giving Connor a nod, Sarah looked up at Desmond, "so, what's the first step?"

"We need to get like a dozen egg yolks in a bowl with some sugar." Desmond said as he thought back to his childhood. Desmond, barely tall enough to see over the edge of the kitchen counter. His mother was explaining the process to her eldest child. Such happiness in her voice as she joined John Denver singing about snowy fields and cows. "I've already got the milk and stuff ready." He turned to Sarah, "Can you get those cracked?" He then turned to Connor, "My dad told me that when the food taster wasn't tasting, he was supposed to be the court jester too."

“You’re going to make him dance for his dinner?” Sarah asked with a smile and a small laugh, “that almost sounds cruel”

"Making him dance for dinner? Of course not!" Desmond said, mock insincerity filling his voice. His face expressed something alike a grin. "But making him dance for eggnog... That is only reasonable." He turned to the stove, lighting the fire underneath the pan with the milk and vanilla. "I'll get this warmed up."

"I CAN DANCE," Connor signed. "WATCH THIS."

He began swaying back and forth from one foot to another, slowly keeping time with beats against his chest like a human metronome.

Giving a giggle, Sarah gave Connor a smile while she pulled the carton of eggs a little closer to her and started to crack them into a bowl, using the shells to separate the yokes from the egg-whites. in her head, Sarah started to think about what she could make with the egg-whites if they weren't going to be used. Maybe some Mousse or Icing for them to eat straight out of the bowl.

"Alright, the milk is getting ready." Desmond announced as he took the milk mixture off the heat again. "We're supposed to add this to the eggs a little at a time." He almost bumped into Connor as he performed his 'dance'. "Damn Connor, you sure have moves." And he stepped up next to Sarah. "Let's mix this up before it cools down too much."

"WHAT IS EGGNOG?" Connor broke his dance so he could peer over the stove for a better look. "IT LOOKS LIKE WHIPKULL. IS IT WHIPKULL?"

Sarah looked at Connor with confusion, “what’s Whipkull?” She asked as she pushed the bowl of egg yolks over to Desmond so he could add the milk, “I’ve never heard of that. Eggnog is usually an adults drink for Christmas. I tried it once and it tasted like a strange milkshake. It even felt like it was burning my throat a little, even though it was cold”

"Sounds like you had spiked eggnog," Desmond said with a laugh as he started tempering the eggs carefully. "My mom likes to do a little brandy in her eggnog in the evening. But she taught us how to make the 'non-adult version' as she called it." Desmond added a little too much milk to the eggs, and he saw the curds starting to form so he mixed a little faster, splashing a few drops on Sarah's face.

Freezing for a moment, Sarah gave a giggle before wiping the batter off of her face. "Geeze, wood-man, it's supposed to stay in the bowl you know," she said in a lighthearted manner.

"WOOD-MAN IS A TERRIBLE CODENAME," Connor said. "YOU NEED A BETTER ONE IF YOU ARE GOING TO BE ONE OF THE X-MEN."

"Bark-man? Treebeard?" Sarah jokingly suggested as she cleaned up the eggshells and the mess she'd made from separating the whiles and the yolk. "Do we have any plans for the egg whites?" she asked, looking between both of them

At first Connor was going to protest those codenames as well, but then he gave Desmond a lingering side-eye.

"How about Entman? Treebeard was an Ent." With the eggs and milk incorporated, Desmond put the bowl on the counter. He started rummaging in the cupboards. "Do we have any vanilla?"

"I don't know, where should it be?" Sarah asked, looking around the kitchen.

"THERE ARE SPICES IN THE CABINET," Connor offered. "WE SHOULD CHECK THERE." Being taller than Sarah, he did so and found the small bottle. After placing it beside Desmond, he asked, "WHAT ELSE DO YOU NEED?"

“I’m not sure, this is Entman’s recipe” Sarah answered, looking up at Desmond.

"I think with the vanilla..." Desmond's voice drifted off as he thought back for a moment. "Nutmeg! We need some nutmeg! Do we have any of that, Connor?"

Connor retrieved the nutmeg and dumped it in himself. The lid popped off, though, leaving a generous helping before he pulled the container away. "I HOPE THAT IS NOT TOO MUCH," Connor signed with a sheepish look on his face.

Desmond's face contorted in an expression of dubious reluctance to find out. "Guess you'll be the first to find, court taster." He declared as he mixed it up a final time. He finally ladled some of it in a low cup and handed it to Connor before making another two small cups for Sarah and himself.

"TOO MUCH." The digitized words failed to capture the gagging expression on Connor's face or the urgency of raking his fingertips over his tongue. "I RUINED IT," he signed after he ran a kitchen towel over his mouth, "AND I AM SORRY."

"Bottoms up!" Desmond rumbled before swigging his sampler down. It... got stuck. It did not go down. Desmond put the cup down quickly and slapped both hands over his mouth. His eyes grew big in horror as the nutmeg flavour settled in everywhere. Desperate, panicked breaths came through his nose. Finally Desmond managed to swallow. Now with an empty mouth he started coughing. Through his coughing fit, Desmond managed to speak a few words, "Yeah, that's ruined." Desmond quickly filled up his glass with water to rinse out his mouth.

Taking a swig of the drink, Sarah quickly gagged and started coughing. It was almost like taking a spoon full of cinnamon. Quickly moving over to the sink, she spat up as much as she could while trying to catch a breath.

With Sarah's fit of revulsion finished, Desmond had to grin at the absurd concoction they had made. "Man, that did not taste like home." He locked eyes with Connor for a moment, then Sarah. "Wanna feed it to Drew?"

"IF HE DOES NOT IMBIBE IT THEN HE CAN STILL WEAR IT," Connor signed with a mischievous smirk. "IT WOULD BLEND WELL WITH HIS USUAL SCENT."

"that stuff's lethal. We should use it a pest repellant" Sarah said as she recovered her breath and turned back to the others, "maybe we should ask one of the adults for help here?"

Connor had other ideas. "WHAT IF WE PUT IT OVER THE DOOR AND CALL SOMEONE TO COME IN HERE?" He threw back his head and laughed as he finished signing. "THEN IT WOULD FALL ON THEIR HEAD WHEN GO THROUGH THE DOOR."

Making her way to the kitchen, Rahne stalked more than walked as her large lupine form crept down the hallway and into the kitchen. Hoping to steal more of Connor’s chicken nuggets before dinner, she used her wolf form to scare off as many witnesses to her theft as possible.

The sound of padded paws on hardwood gave him the perfect target in mind. Connor snatched the mixing bowl and propped it on the kitchen door left ajar just enough to entrap the interloper. In a few seconds, the door opened and the mixing bowl upturned on its fall to the ground, dousing the hasty, unsuspecting dire wolf who never saw it coming.

"THAT WILL TEACH YOU TO STEAL MY CHICKEN NUGGETS." The deadpan digitized delivery was contrasted by Connor's deep-throated cackle of vindication.

Rahne yelped in surprise and her yellow eyes went wide and round as her auburn fur was drenched in eggnog. The clicking of scrambling claws across the hardwood floor combined with the clang of the bowl hitting the ground created a moment of total chaos and the trio in the kitchen were all at risk of being knocked over. That is until some of the eggnog hit Rahne’s maw and she stopped dead in her tracks.

The eggnog was sweet and creamy along with being heavily seasoned. It was almost like melted ice cream but then again, Rahne ate rabbits on the regular so she may not have the most sophisticated palette. Her panicked charge stopped and she turned around and began to lap up the spilled eggnog that now covered the kitchen floor.

"SHE LIKES IT," Connor signed in utter disbelief and no small amount of disappointment. "I DO NOT BELIEVE MY EYES."

"Rahne, we don't eat from the ground!" Desmond said admonishing as he stepped in with a large roll of paper towels. "That's disgusting. And no, I don't care if you're a wolf or not."

"DO NOT BATHE YOURSELF IN FRONT OF OTHER PEOPLE EITHER," Connor added, cringing at where Rahne's lapping tongue was sure to lead.

If a wolf could provide a look of resentful annoyance, this would be it. Rahne’s canine brow furrowed and a faint sneer curled her lips but she didn’t stop until she had managed to lap up the rest of the large puddle of eggnog on the floor.

Thanks to Connor’s comment, Rahne had the perfect idea for how to say ‘thank you’ for the bath in homemade eggnog. Making her way over to the three, she stood perfectly still for a moment before she shook the excess eggnog from her fur.

Connor, Desmond, and Sarah were drenched in wet fur and horribly made eggnog. The aroma, fuzz, and cold sticky liquid that covered them was absolutely disgusting.

Desmond glared at the wolf. "Really, Rahne?!" Desmond's voice rumbled deeply with the annoyance. "You need to take a bath. This is just so gross!"

Standing there for a moment, Sarah began to laugh as she wiped some eggnog from her face, "Fair play, dog. Fair play."

"SHE IS NOT A DOG," Connor protested. "SHE IS MY SISTER AND SHE IS PRETENDING TO BE A WOLF BECAUSE IT HELPS HER BREAK THE HOUSE RULES." He looked at the mess she'd made and had to admit it was his fault. "BUT WE PRANKED HER GOOD. LET'S CLEAN THIS UP BEFORE SHE MAKES A BIGGER MESS."

Sarah blushed out of embarrassment. "Oh, sorry I didn't mean it as an insult. I didn't know," she said as she looked around for some paper towel to help with the clean up.

"DOGS AND WOLVES ARE ALL CANINES," Connor said, trying to smooth it over. "WHO WANTS TO MOP?"

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